How to Stop Losing Your Sh*t with Your Kids
Parents and teachers lose their sh*t because they are human. Keeping your sh*t together is not about willpower. It's about self-awareness, self-compassion, and strategic practices.
Carla Naumburg's How to Stop Losing Your Sh*t With Your Kids is a hilarious and practical guide for parents and teachers. According to Naumburg, it all about to farts, buttons, and burps.
Naumburg describes parental meltdowns as FARTs: feelings-based automatic reactions that are toxic. Parents lose their sh*t because they are human, and parenting is hard. Reducing parental flatulence and keeping your sh*t together is not about willpower. It's about self-awareness, self-compassion, and strategic practices.
That's where buttons and BuRPs come in. Naumburg explains how our buttons get pushed, the power of knowing our triggers, and 11 free, simple, and evidence-based BuRPs, or Button Reduction Practices.
Here is Naumberg's 5 step process for understanding and owning your buttons, keeping your sh*t together, trying you best not to lose your sh*t, and how to repair the rupture of sh*t storms.
Understand why you lost your sh*t. It's not because you are a bad parent. It's because you are human, and your buttons are being pushed.
Own your buttons and triggers. Rather than focusing on controlling children and trying to stop them from pushing your buttons, focus on what's in your control, namely knowing your triggers and planning accordingly.
Keep your sh*t together using 11 BuRPs, or Button Reduction Practices, that are free, simple, and evidence-based.
Single-tasking - Multi-tasking is a myth and a thief, so give yourself and your children the gift of doing one thing at a time.
Sleep - Rest is key to restoration, so prioritize sleep, and get whatever support you need to get some sleep.
Support - Seeking support is strength, so build your village, and know that villages come in different forms.
Self-compassion - Be mindful, treat yourself with kindness, and connect to your common humanity.
Simplify - Information overload and too many choices lead to decision fatigue, not better decision making.
Stretch - Move your body in whatever way brings you joy so you can calm your mind and nurture your spirit.
Seek silence - Silence, even in small doses, can lower your stress levels and cool down your buttons.
Slow down - Notice when you're rushing and give yourself grace and time for transitions and dealing with lateness.
Say thank you - Gratitude is a practice, so be mindful of negative headspace, and find something, anything, to appreciate.
Breathe - Breathing helps with fight, flight, freeze, and freak out responses, so remember to put your oxygen mask on first.
Space from your kids - Everyone needs a little time away so you can be better when you are together.
Don't lose your sh*t. According to Naumburg, it's all about noticing, pausing, and doing literally anything else.
Noticing - Being mindful of your thoughts, feelings, bodily sensations, what you are doing, and even how you are breathing can help you make a better choice of how to respond.
Pausing - Taking a break from what you doing, even if only for a moment, can give you time and space to calm your buttons and interrupt the sh*t loss cycle.
Do literally anything else - Shifting your focus helps you calm down, diffuse the moment, and redirect tense energy that's building up.
After the sh*t storm has passed: Sh*t happens, and you can repair ruptures by being kind, getting curious, and reconnecting.
Kindness - Notice that you are struggling, remind yourself you are note alone, and treat yourself with kindness rather than punishing yourself for losing your sh*t with your kids.
Curiosity - Getting curious about yourself, your triggers, and even your sh*t loss can help you calm down and get helpful information about what actually happened.
Reconnecting - Take responsibility for your behavior, say you're sorry, and make a plan for moving forward. Remember that (re)connection comes before (re)direction.
Naumburg keeps it real, and her insight is impactful and hilarious! Check out How to Stop Losing Your Sh*t With Your Kid and other books, podcasts, and links on the Learn Play Grow resource page at https://learnplaygrowconsulting.com/resources
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