I cried in IKEA. There were too many choices. I was overwhelmed by the options. I needed structure to support me in making a decision. Have you been there (the feeling or IKEA)?

The lessons I’m learning as I prepare to move are precisely the lessons I teach my little learners with diverse abilities and use to coach their parents and teachers. My IKEA experience reminded me that structured choice helps define finite options and empower decision making.

What is structured choice?

Structured choice is a strategy through which parents and teacher define finite options and children choose among them. For example, instead of asking “What do you want for snack?” and secretly hoping your child makes a healthy choice instead of the junk they got at the birthday party, offering a structured choice such as “Do you want apples, carrots, or banana?” ensures that whatever they choose is good with you and good for them.

How to communicate choices

Visuals are great ways to help children understand structured choice. Visuals and choice boards make choices concrete, and being able to interact with the board by pointing to, pressing, or pulling off their choice keeps kids engaged. You can use pictures of real items or your child performing certain actions, picture symbols, item labels and food wrappers, or anything that helps your little love or little learners be able to understand their choices.

Structured choice works best when you are clear about what is and is not a choice. “It’s time for bed, OK?” implies that if it’s not ok, it’s not time for bed. Going to bed is not a choice. How a child goes to bed could be. Structured choices for bedtime could include “Will you hop like a frog or slither like a snake?” to bed. This VIDEO shows you how to break free from “OK?” so you can offer meaningful structured choice.

Set everyone up for success

Sometimes children don't like the choices they're given. They may try to negotiate or refuse to make a choice (which is a choice but not an option). Our job is not to convince them that we're right. Our job is to give them the structure and support they need to do the right thing.

In these instances, I've found two phrases very helpful. When accepting choice is challenging, I say "Your choices are A or B. I trust you to choose." Communicating trust is so empowering, and it's an invitation for children to exercise their power appropriately.

When children refuse to make a choice, I calmly reassure them that "You can choose or I will." This is never meant as a threat or used as a punishment. Instead, it is a clarification of rules and roles, and it works best when the grown up is prepared to follow through calmly.

Structured choice in action

I've used structured choice to help families and teachers navigate challenges at home and smooth transitions at school. One of my parent coaching families was able to transform their morning routine from chaos to success using structured choice to define wardrobe options the night before, breakfast choices the morning of, and music options for the ride to school. There was no more indecisiveness and dawdling while getting dressed, short order cooking for breakfast, or power struggles between siblings during carpool!

Teachers and schools with whom I've consulted have experienced success using choice boards to redirect power struggles and smooth transitions. I created this choice board using a Magna-tile, tape, and visuals of classroom activities. The visuals helped our little learner understand his choices, and being able to engage with and carry around the choice board gave him a sense of ownership without power struggles. Instead of bracing themselves for endless negotiation, the teachers were able to clearly define and calmly communicate choices. Teachers felt energized instead of drained, and the whole class could transition smoothly together to keep learning, playing, and growing!

P.S. In the end, IKEA structured my choices because the items I let myself love are “temporarily unavailable.” A girl can dream…and make choices!

Join the Learn Play Grow newsletter to receive your FREE Power of Play Guide, and follow Learn Play Grow on Facebook and Instagram and YouTube.

Rebecca A. Weiner, M.Ed. Is a dynamic educator who is passionate about helping young children with diverse abilities, their families, and their teachers connect, communicate, and learn with confidence. She specializes in play-based enrichment, parent coaching, developmental and inclusion support, and consulting in schools.