Holding Space
Even when we don’t understand, we can help our children feel seen and safe. We can hold space.
Holding space means acknowledging that everyone has a right to feel what they feel. There are no bad or wrong feelings. Feelings are ours to feel without judgement.
No one wants to see their child struggle. Sometimes it feels easier for us to rush in or push the feelings away. We say things like “Don’t cry” or “It’s going to be okay.”
Crying is a natural response to emotion. Telling a child not to cry does not address their feelings. In the eyes of a child, it makes you an unsafe person to feel with.
Anxiety is a feeling of powerlessness. Telling a child that everything will be ok is a promise we cannot keep and a confirmation of our powerlessness. If we had the power to make it so, it would be ok already.
Our job is to be there and hold space. We may not be able to fix the situation (which often is not our job), but we can help our children feel less “broken” when they are overwhelmed by emotion.
It is especially important to hold space for ourselves as people, parents, and partners, especially when we’re stretching outside our comfort zones.
My friend and mentor Steve Friedman, author of In Search of Courage and creator of the Beyond Introversion blog, taught me a powerful strategy for holding space.
He taught me how to “stretch kindly” by acknowledging that going out of our comfort zone is a process of back and forth. We go out, come back in, out, and in again.
Progress is not about constant forward motion. It’s about humility and self-compassion as we balance back and forth on our path forward.
Parenting is a process, and some (much) of it is outside our comfort zones. We can hold space for ourselves and our parenting partners and stretch kindly together by owning our stories, seeing our strengths, working together, and practicing self-care.
The Learn Play Grow Parenting with Purpose Guide equips you with questions, strategies, and examples to see how we bring our childhood into our parenting, honor and build on your individual and collective strengths, build on them to face challenges by working together, not against each other. And the guide helps you hold space for yourself as a person and practice self-care.
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