It's Ok to Not Be OK
It's ok to not be ok. Getting comfortable with discomfort, our own and our little loves' and learners', is an important life skill...one I am learning and teaching a lot these days. It's hard, and I'm here for it.
When parents and teachers I coach envision who they want to be and who they want their children to become, they often discuss being kind, strong, courageous, compassionate, and resilient.
Where do these qualities come from? They come from facing challenges and growing through struggles. Challenge and struggle are part of the parenting, teaching, and learning journey. Leaning in, rather than running away, is what helps us grow.
Here are two strategies for getting comfortable with discomfort that I am practicing on my own growth journey and sharing with my parent and teacher coaching clients:
Question expectations: Is it possible to be happy or "make/keep" our children happy all the time? If not, what is a more realistic and compassionate goal?
I believe it is not our job to raise happy children. I believe it is our job to raise courageous and resilient children capable of coping and cultivating happiness.
Strategy in action: Rather than clearing a path for our children and easing our own discomfort about struggle, we can support children in forging their own path, discomfort, struggle, growth, and all.
Reframe discomfort as an opportunity for growth: Is it realistic or healthy to avoid discomfort? If not, how can discomfort be reframed as a growth opportunity?
For parents and teachers who believe that a child's upset at hearing "No" or having to wait a turn is a sign of their own, I invite the reframe that these are opportunities to practice patience and flexibility.
Strategy in action: Work on tolerating your own discomfort with allowing a child to discovery, try to solve, and initiate asking for help with a problem before offering insight or solutions.
In the grand scheme of things, putting the puzzle piece in the wrong place, coloring outside the lines, or having to ask for help are not going to hurt a child. These opportunities are going to teach them to be persistent, creative, and self-advocate.
When all else fails, PLAY: I’m putting my learning through play strategy toolbox into action to help me deal with all the feels.
Playing the pop game, rather than mindlessly popping food into my mouth, keeps my hands busy and my mind calm when I feel anxious.
Role playing (with or without puppets) helps me take perspective and prepare for courageous conversations.
Playing in the sandbox, where anything you can imagine is possible and nothing is permanent, is one of my favorite escapes.
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