Navigating the Holidays
Do family gatherings, especially around the holidays, feel like dysfunctional family bingo? You are not alone, and change is possible. Here are some brilliant mindsets and practices from Margaret Webb's interview on the Tilt Parenting podcast and some inspiration I share with my clients.
First, trust yourself. You know your child best, and you are their advocate and champion. Other peoples' expectations don't change your truth
Second, focus on what you CAN control. You can control what information you share, what alternatives you create, and what you choose to do as your child's champion.
Third, understand other peoples' comments, especially "you just need to" and any statement that includes "should," are about their experience, not yours or your child's. Other people may be trying to help or make sense of what's happening. That's on them, not about you.
Fourth, plan ahead for what you know may be tricky, such meals or extended family time:
If your child has sensory or feeding issues, contact the host and share that you will be bringing food alternatives that work for your child. If you have the energy, and only if you have the energy, you can offer to bring enough for everyone.
If you know your child is most successful with short periods of group activities, designate a space for solo calm down and bring activities to give your child a break.
Fifth, acknowledge differences. Children notice differences, and sometimes they need support to make sense of them. Rather than silencing their curiosity and leaving them to make up stories that may not be accurate or inclusive, acknowledge their questions and give context so they can understand and be inclusive to the best of their abilities.
Feeling alone when you are together is devastating. If your boundaries and needs are not honored, you can choose not to participate. That may sound difficult or feel impossible, and yet, you can create new traditions with your family of friends and supporters. Instead of worrying about ruffling other peoples’ feathers, stay true to giving your child wings to fly!
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